Take My Breath Away

I like getting choked.  

I mean really choked.

When the only outlet I had for my sexual frustrations was me, myself and I, I would do the old 'belt around the neck and tied off to the bed' trick.  I could pull my body down until the belt was taut and I had slight restriction on my breathing and I'd stay like that until I was in blissful orgasm land.  That was enough for me.  

I remember the first time I made out with the guy who was my (shortly thereafter) 'first', he put his hand firmly on my throat while he kissed me.  No breathing restriction, no overt pressure, just a firm hand.  I nearly came just from that.  I don't need to tell you about how the neck ties into dominance vs submission.  It's a primal feeling, the neck is a vulnerable spot.  Allowing even the hand of someone else to take hold of that area is immediate submission, trust, and thrill.  

The first time CP choked me, it was more than just a firm grip.  (Sidenote: I told CP that after sex with him I sometimes feel like I've been hit by a truck.  I think he liked that, and so it is that he will from this point on be referred to as the Trucker)  He squeezed just a bit more than I'd experienced before and I panicked and tapped out almost immediately.  It's the first rule of dating; if someone is going to knock you unconscious they should at least buy you dinner first.  

That was three months ago.  Tonight there were several times when I was right on the verge of passing out and I freaking loved it.  I don't know if it's the knowledge that I'm putting my life into someone else's hands, the moment of pushing it just that little bit further, or the blissful emptiness that I feel for a little while afterwards (with a side of confusion).  If it were all the time it would just be that other thing that happens, but it's that wonderful sense that every now and then, he's going to push it just that little bit.

Now please understand that we are incredibly careful about this.  The Trucker doesn't just squeeze and hope for the best.  We have safe words and safe signals.  When his hands are on my throat all of his attention is focused there too and he's incredibly in tune with my body language and mannerisms.  There are times when he stops before I want him to because he can tell that my body is done before I can, and unconsciousness is not a goal or a desire.  We can only do it to this point because of the level of trust that we've developed.  

So there it is, my confession.  I am a choking slut.  Hands on my neck (front or back) is a sign to me that I am no longer in control of the situation, that there is someone bigger and stronger who can essentially do what he wants with me.  It turns me on, it puts me into a deeper state of submission, and it's fucking hot.  

Thank you universe for large men with large hands.