I broke a rule. I was grumpy and frustrated, and when I'm in that mood I tend to get a bit of a "whatever, it's fine" frame of mind. Of course when I wake up the next morning that feeling has been replaced by guilt and the dread of knowing I'm going to pay for it.
I got home from work knowing what my punishment would be and so I got to it right away. First it was making him dinner and doing some chores. Independently neither of those things bother me but he knows that I have a very negative reaction to being treated like the maid. I am submissive in many ways, but if I ever feel like he's not pulling his weight around the house I can get very uppity. On this day however I did them without a word, knowing that I wasn't supposed to enjoy it and that I deserved it. I should mention that I was also becoming sick and dead tired, which made me less inclined to obey but also less able to put up a fight.
After the chores were done he took me into our bedroom and had me sit in the corner with a blindfold on. He turned off the lights and left me there in the dark to think about what I'd done and appreciate the fact that he'd chosen to leave the belt out of this punishment. By the time he came to get me an hour later, I felt like a chastened child and was properly put into my place. I would have done anything he told me to after that.
We were speaking about it yesterday and I was trying to articulate to him why I found that form of punishment so much more appealing than his normal method. Now of course when I say "appealing" it doesn't mean I enjoyed it. Or if I did, I enjoyed it the same way I enjoy being beaten with a belt the day after when I'm well rested, the memory of the pain has faded and I'm checking out my sweet bruises. The problem however is that I can't pinpoint why I enjoyed this type so much. Writing usually allows me to get my thoughts in order, so here we go.
For the past few weeks Sir and I have discussed and alluded to the idea of a deeper dynamic that stretches even further outside the bedroom. The more time I've had to think about it, the more I want to start down that road. Situations in Sirs life however have left him less than inclined to pursue any kind of d/s at the moment, never mind the unexplored. I find that incredibly frustrating, but I trust that things will fall back into place when they're meant to. The punishment that I received the other day was like a glimpse at that possible future dynamic. There wasn't any great scene created, we didn't suspend our normal relationship and switch to the d/s. In this instance, the submission was blended into our normal lives and it was carried out in a very cut and dry manner. I was bad, I was punished accordingly, and then we continued with our evening.
I suppose the biggest difference for me is that it wasn't as emotional as normal. The only other two punishments that I've had have involved a very hurt or angry Sir and a beating that resulted in my sobbing and begging. They were incredibly emotional and high intensity. This past one was done in a very calm manner as though it were just part of a normal day. And I guess it's that sense of normality that I want to experience, the feeling of my submission or his dominance just being part of our daily routine. I don't want these things to happen just because we're horny or emotional, but because we get something out of it when we're calm and content.
Also, there's something about being sent to the corner like a naughty child that makes you feel small and chastened, which is a feeling I've come to love.
I'm once again exhausted and have to aim for sleep. I don't know if I've answered my own question or not, but as always I appreciate that you've kept up with my ranting (if you've actually gotten this far that is). Good night to you all!
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